I frequently struggle with feelings of inadequacy, worthlessness, and that I don’t deserve what I have (which, maybe I don’t? What upper-middle-class American really does deserve all they have?). It’s taken me some time to be able to reflect on this aspect of my upbringing and begin to understand and grow from it. At the Wrangler nascar signature shirt in other words I will buy this end of the day, all parents make mistakes- I know I make mistakes in raising my children which they’ll probably have to deal with when they become adults. But if you want my advice, based on my experiences: Parents- dont devalue your children. They need to know that they bring value to the world and their fellow humankind in whatever way they are. There are many more ways to be a worthy person than by simply adhering to standards that define a “good husband” or a “good wife.” They need to know that their dreams are legitimate and that they deserve whatever they work to achieve. But please, teach every child that they have value. I was not taught this about myself, so it’s so important for me to teach my own kids this now. Raising my autistic daughter taught me many strategies that I used with my non disabled kids and with my middle school students as a teacher. Rule number one is not to take what they say or do personally. Kids express frustration and anger and sadness and other strong feelings through their behavior and you are the adult and need to react in a logical, rational way without feeling anger and embarrassment for yourself. Focus on the behavior. You can’t tell your kids often enough that you love them but their behavior is unacceptable. Then rule two is to constantly do what the pros called “preference assessment.” What do they care about or want? Use that to get the behavior your want. We used to joke that the toys went into time out, not the kids, because that’s what worked. With my disabled daughter we used tiny food rewards in the early years, then transitioned to small toys or privileges that had to be earned by getting through a period of time with appropriate behavior. We took a daughter who was aggressive toward others, self injurious and bolted away from us and she’s now well behaved with an ability to go out into the community that I would never have guessed.
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I have another child who went through every parent’s nightmare of teenage out of control behavior, only to end up in her twenties saying that my tough love was exactly what she needed. Told her over and over that I’d love her no matter what, but would not do anything to enable her bad choices and poor decision-making. When she started turning things around she knew where to turn for support. This is what worked for me. This answer contains insanely graphic material that will disturb some people. I never put trigger warnings in my writing, but in the Wrangler nascar signature shirt in other words I will buy this name of protecting kids from the embrace of hellfire by showing how hot the flames can burn, some of you parents just need to fully grasp what’s out there. For context, our hero protagonist, the monstrous demon-hunter man known as Guts, was captured by a band of crusaders working for the Church of the land to bring down the demonic forces that are taking over. They are led by a beautiful young noblewoman beautiful, if not alarmingly childlike in her physical appearance. She is pious and snobbish, treating our hero, the slayer of thousands of men and demons alike, as common trash. As part of his escape, he kidnaps the commander. Guts do this by invading her tent during her prayers, which she does topless, because of reasons that will forever be lost on me. Wait, scratch that. People in the comments reminded me that her nudity was because she was about to start up a healthy round of self-flagellation, the practice of some religious sects to beat, whip, or maim themselves in adherence to something for some reason because of course, she would do that. I mean, what else could she possibly be doing? For our purposes, what better way to communicate religious fanaticism while also tying in so to speak kinky undertones of sadomasochism surrounding a very beautiful. The topless girl decides to take the distraction as an opportunity to flee. Still bound, and still nude above the waist, she gets to her trusty steed and well, dang it all if he isn’t demon-possessed too. Her big problem, though, is that he has very clear intentions to be the one doing the mounting. I read this as a grown man, and it gave me weird dreams for weeks that I would rather not get into. That’s just one of many examples from the world of Berserk. We could talk about the children who literally murder each other in a game of war, or the those three demons with their little girlfriends, that demon who rips apart and eats his daughter’s mother in front of her.